The girl taking our booking on the telephone is irredeemably dozy. When it comes to registering our name, she gets in a frightful muddle, asking for individual letters to be spelt out and then arriving at a conclusion like a predicted text gone incorrect.

You expect everything to be tickety taboo here because a dragon is in charge. This is one of Duncan Bannatyne’s hotels and on Dragon’s Den he seems a stickler.

About 18 months ago, he took over Charlton House from Roger Saul, the Mulberry founder. We stayed here when Saul was at the helm and loved everything about it – the wooden floors, the kilim rugs, the seductive whiff of shabby chic.

Scot the x factor? Charlton House Spa Hotel is owned by Dragon’s Den entrepreneur Duncan Bannatyne

Thank goodness, it hasn’t changed a fantastic deal but it’s certainly more corporate, the staff less engaged. Somehow, it’s lost its charm. My room is huge – an upgrade to a deluxe double – this being a damp Monday nighttime.

There’s a shower room on the ground floor and a bathroom on a mezzanine amount, where there’s an extra single bed. Double doors lead out to a courtyard, with a hot tub bubbling away, not altogether invitingly.

I can’t fathom the fancy lighting and generally get the impression that no one has slept in this room for some time. A dead daddy longlegs is trapped in a spider’s web above the shower.
There are no glasses into which you can pour water from the two free bottles in the fridge. On the desk is a large, leather framed photograph of a brooding Bannatyne, explaining his ‘Customer Care Policy.’

Shabby chic decor: The hotel was once owned by Mulberry founder Roger Saul

In the event of a complaint and ‘you do not receive a satisfactory outcome feel free to write directly to me at our head office.’ Too much information. I place his picture face down, not because I dislike him but because I dislike staring at the words Customer Care Policy.

This is a fine building, albeit close to the busy A361. Pevsner said, in his Buildings of England, that the north front appears to be Elizabethan, the porch Victorian and a wall on the East wing dates from the reign of Henry VIII.

It became a hotel in 1965 when bought by the Seaton family. The Duke of Edinburgh, Sir Cliff Richard and the King of Thailand are all meant to have stayed here.

‘You’ve changed the chairs,’ I mention to a dour waiter in the drab dining room. ‘Oh, yes, I judge Duncan Bannatyne chose them himself,’ he says. Such a name-dropper.

All white? The building was turned into a hotel in 1965 and Sir Cliff Richard is supposed to have stayed here

I have three small correspondence of ravioli as my starter. They come with a heavy Provencal sauce and four tiny squares of beetroot jelly.

My ‘traditional roast turkey’ is whatever thing but traditional and benefits as a result, served with a jumble (described as a fricassee) of sprouts, pancetta, almonds and veg.

There’s canned music doing its best to make some atmosphere. But it’s all pretty dull. Breakfast in the morning is a huge disappointment.

There’s no yoghurt, nuts or tempting muffins – just a few bowls of cereal, some stewed fruit, baby croissants. I order hot milk with my coffee: cold arrives. And I can only just get through my poached eggs for the smell and taste of vinegar.

Saul invested lots of money on the spa, which is still largely as he left it – a Moroccan-style extravaganza, with a pool, gym and lots of treatment place to stay.

Perhaps he invested too much because Charlton House went into receivership. Bannatyne came along like a bright knight. But I’m not sure he’s got the magic touch to give this hotel the sparkle it deserves.

Travel Facts

Charlton House Spa Hotel,
Shepton Mallet,
nr Glastonbury,
Somerset
BA4 4PR

01749 342008, www.bannatyne.co.uk/hotel/charltonhouse/
Doubles from £95 B&B